What Hurts the Most
by Another Bechloe Shipper
Summary: After Pitch Perfect 3. Beca is lonely in her apartment after the USO Tour. She hears a song that makes her think of a missed opportunity. This is a songfic that has been brewing in my brain for a while, that I finally took the time to write. Hope you enjoy.


A/N: I keep hearing this song and thinking of Bechloe, so here goes.

* * *

Beca had been back in her apartment in Brooklyn for a few days. She was alone for the first time since she'd moved there three years prior. Chloe had stayed in Europe to spend more time with Chicago, the soldier Beca had seen her kissing after their last performance. She'd planned on telling Chloe how she really felt about her, only to discover she was too late. What was worse was that Theo had leaned in for a kiss. Beca pulled back immediately. She resorted to her usual sarcastic humor, reminding Theo that he worked for her now and that she was going to be a real handful.

Amy had headed to the Cayman Islands to try and sort out her bank account. Beca hoped that Fat Amy would pay her and Chloe some back rent for the three years, but she knew that she never could know what to expect with the girl.

Beca had cried herself to sleep every night since seeing Chloe kiss Chicago. Her dreams were flooded with visions of what could have been if she hadn't been too scared to share her real feelings. She'd wake up, red-eyed and usually still crying.

She'd always sort herself out enough to head to the studio. She was fortunate that DJ Khaled had agreed to let her use his recording studio in New York for a while. She'd have to relocate to Los Angeles soon, but she would be cutting her first single in New York. She couldn't ask for time off so early, and she had to put her best foot forward when she was there. She didn't want Khaled to think he'd signed an emotional disaster.

She'd stay at the studio, grab something for dinner on her way home, and then she'd sit alone in her apartment. The pull-out couch that she'd shared with Chloe seemed huge and lonely. It was weird for her to think this way. Having to share that tiny bed with Chloe when she first moved in had driven her crazy at first. Chloe would hog the covers and roll over in her sleep. She'd quickly grown accustomed to Chloe's sleepy cuddles, and sleeping alone had soon become a distant memory.

* * *

The next day, she'd agreed to meet a few of the Bellas who were local for lunch. She had enjoyed reconnecting at the tour, and she was glad they'd managed to keep their promises of staying in touch.

She got to the sandwich shop, the last of the group to arrive. Flo, Jessica, and Ashley were at a table with Stacie, who was nursing Bella. They were all looking at an iPad, where Aubrey's face appeared. They were all deep in conversation when Beca joined them at the table, forcing a smile.

"Hey, Beca," called Aubrey's voice from the iPad. "How's the recording coming along?"

Beca shrugged. "Okay, I guess."

"Beca, what's wrong?" asked Jessica.

"It's nothing."

"It doesn't look like nothing," said Ashley.

"I don't want to talk about it," said Beca.

"It's Chloe, isn't it?" asked Aubrey.

"What?" asked Beca.

"You're not fooling any of us," said Flo. "In my country, you'd be flogged for lying."

"Okay, that's disturbing," said Beca.

"We all saw you fly right into Chloe's arms after your performance," said Aubrey.

"I was hugging everyone!" argued Beca.

"You ran straight to Chloe first," said Jessica.

"She had her arms out," said Beca.

"Yeah, but we all know you were going to hug her first anyway," said Ashley.

Beca folded her arms. "Well, it doesn't matter now. She's in France with Chicago."

Stacie grabbed a burp cloth and put Bella over her shoulder to burp. "For how long?" she asked.

"A couple more days," said Beca.

"You should tell her when she comes back," said Stacie.

Beca shook her head. "I had my chance, and I didn't tell her. I was so close. I'm such an idiot."

Her friends spent the rest of lunch trying to comfort her. In the end, she felt bad for killing the mood and making everyone sad. She hoped she hadn't ruined the possibility of them getting together again. She figured the feeling would pass sometime. She just hoped it was sooner rather than later.

After working late recording, Beca headed back to her apartment again, dinner this time being a hot dog from a street vendor. She knew Khaled wouldn't approve of her food choice, but she didn't care at that point. If he was so worried about what she ate, he wouldn't have her staying in the studio so late.

* * *

The next morning, she woke up in tears as usual, but this time her hand was down her pants due to the woman having had an especially vivid dream of Chloe that had quickly turned explicit. Beca couldn't remember the last time she'd even been on a date, and she hadn't had sex in forever. Her living situation wasn't conducive to her bringing anyone back to her place, and she worked too many long hours at BFD to have the energy to go on a date had she been asked. Taking matters into her own hands hadn't really been an option either, as she was rarely alone in the apartment for any length of time. This morning, she welcomed the solitude. She pushed down her thoughts of it being inappropriate to touch herself while thinking about her best friend. The relief was hard and fast, but not enough all at the same time. It would have to do.

By the time she'd showered and dressed, she decided she needed to grab a coffee on the way to the studio. Again, Khaled wouldn't approve, but the reasoned her caffeine consumption was strictly for the safety of others. As she stood in line, she heard a song play over the speakers. It was a song she'd heard on the radio plenty of times, but the words really spoke to her about her situation. She found herself fighting tears as the song finished. She had to clear her throat and take a napkin and dab at her eyes before she could place her coffee order.

The barista gave her a kind smile and asked, "Are you okay, miss?"

Beca gave an embarrassed smile. "Yeah. That song. It gets me every time."

"I could cry at the opening of a Wal-mart if they played the right song," said the barista.

Beca managed to just nod at her. She really wasn't the sappy type, but her emotions had been a mess since the USO tour. She grabbed her coffee to-go and headed to the studio. She saw DJ Khaled open his mouth to speak and then shut it. She figured she looked a mess, and she respected the idea that he didn't ask questions.

Beca got into the booth, and she wasn't feeling it. She couldn't put herself into her song like she'd normally done. After a few failed takes, Khaled pulled her aside.

"What's the matter, Mitchell?" he asked.

"It's nothing. Just some personal stuff," said Beca.

"How about we switch gears for a bit? Pick a song – anything owned by my studio – and put your own spin on it."

"You're letting me produce?" asked Beca.

"It's a practice track. I want to see what you can do when you're not just playing around."

"Okay," said Beca. He led her to a mixing board much like the one she'd used in his hotel suite.

"Catalog is on the computer. Use what you want." He showed her the program that stored the master list of tracks produced by his recording studio.

"How long do I have?"

"However long it takes you to get out of your head so you can record," he said.

Beca looked taken aback.

"I don't mean it that way. I can tell when somebody needs to switch gears. Go work on a track."

"Thanks," she said.

She was pleasantly surprised to find the song she'd heard in the coffee shop in the music library. She spent hours perfecting the track, even recording herself singing.

By the end of the evening, she had the track ready to show Khaled. She'd poured all of her feelings about Chloe into the recording. She was pleased to find him in the studio.

Khaled's face quickly broke into a wide grin as he listened. He said, "It's like the time you were playing around. I seen something. I heard something. And then I felt something." He made the same weird arm-feeling gesture he'd made back when he'd told Beca he wanted to sign her.

"Thanks," she said.

"I want to release this when we release your 'Freedom 90' single."

"What? Can you do that?"

"I want to release it. Of course I can do that. I'm DJ Khaled!"

"I thought this was a practice."

"I thought that, but then I heard it."

Beca sat still, just blinking.

"Theo is booking a release party for your single next week. You're singing this one live."

"I thought I'd be singing 'Freedom 90.'"

"You're singing both tracks. This one's a winner, Beca."

"Ummm...okay," said Beca.

"I'll have Theo give you details on your release party. Invite the Bellas."

"Right," said Beca.

Beca was in a stupor as she headed home. She'd never intended for her track to be released, but she didn't feel like she had much choice. She was brand new, and she didn't want to give Khaled any reason to change his mind.

Beca got a text from Chloe that night telling her she was spending another week with Chicago. She promised she'd be back in time for Beca's release party. Beca was disappointed that her best friend wouldn't be back, but she had to admit to herself that it would be a little easier than having to listen to her ramble about her new boyfriend.

* * *

It was the night of her release party. DJ Khaled rented space at a local bar that was typically used for karaoke. Beca was dressed in the same gold top, skirt, and boots that she'd worn the final night of the USO tour. All of her Bellas were there, even Stacie, who'd gotten a sitter for Bella. She hadn't told anyone she'd be singing two songs. Beca, Theo, and Khaled had all agreed the second song was best kept a surprise.

Khaled did a big introduction of his new and upcoming artist, and then it was time for her to perform. She sang "Freedom '90." She wished she could have had the Bellas sing with her, but she could hear them singing along in the audience. She spotted Chloe holding Chicago's hand while she sang, and she tried to ignore the twinge of pain it had caused in her heart.

She finished the song and the crowd cheered. Khaled walked back up to the front and took the microphone. "Beca Mitchell produced a new track for me last week. She's going to perform it for you tonight. Here she is again, everyone!"

Beca immediately locked eyes with Chloe and began to sing. It was a popular country song, but Beca had changed the tempo and instrumentation to give it more of a dance/pop feel.

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
__That don't bother me  
__I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out  
__I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
__Even though goin' on with you gone still upsets me  
__There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay  
__But that's not what gets me_

She saw Chloe break her gaze and look at Chicago for a moment. She appeared to be whispering in his ear, tears in her eyes.

Beca continued to sing.

_What hurts the most was being so close  
__And havin' so much to say  
__And watchin' you walk away  
__And never knowin' what could've been  
__And not seein' that lovin' you  
__Is what I was trying to do_

She saw Chloe watching her, wiping tears. Beca continued, keeping her eyes locked with Chloe's.

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go  
__But I'm doing it  
__It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
__Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret  
__But I know if I could do it over  
__I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
__That I left unspoken_

Chicago handed Chloe a tissue. Beca could no longer lock eyes with her friend because the woman was sobbing at this point. Beca started to wonder if maybe she should have told someone about the song beforehand.

_What hurts the most was being so close  
__And havin' so much to say  
__And watchin' you walk away  
__And never knowin' what could've been  
__And not seein' that lovin' you  
__Is what I was trying to do, oh_

She had one more iteration of the chorus to go, her friend still crying. Beca felt tears forming in her eyes as she finished the last chorus.

_What hurts the most was being so close  
And havin' so much to say  
And watchin' you walk away  
And never knowin' what could've been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was trying to do_

_That's what I was trying to do, ooh_

As the song ended, the crowd erupted in more cheers. Before Beca knew it, Chloe almost flew into her arms. She led her friend to a corner of the place so they could talk privately.

"Beca, I'm so sorry!" Chloe exclaimed through sobs.

"But I thought you chose Chicago," said Beca.

"He's what I thought I wanted, but it turns out that's not true. I explained it to him as soon as I heard your song."

"You knew that fast?" asked Beca.

"Beca, I've always known. I just never knew you felt the same way."

"I was going to tell you, but I thought I missed the opportunity when I saw you kissing Chicago. I was pretty sure it was a lost cause when you decided to stay with him for a little while."

"I wanted to see where things went. We had fun, but I don't feel the way about him that I feel about you."

"Really?"

"Really," said Chloe. She reached her hand up, cupped Beca's cheek, and planted a long kiss on her lips.

Beca felt her face flush as they broke the kiss. "I think I get it now," she said.

* * *

A/N: There's a version of this song by Cascada, which is the version I imagine Beca produced and performed.


End file.
